I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
