I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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