feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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