This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Drunk is not a location!
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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