The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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