Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
