This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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