wrigley field is MILF paradise
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Floor bacon is actually really good
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
