Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
