I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Randomize
