If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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