i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
