____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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