This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My ATM looks so different sober.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
