I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
