dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
