the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
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Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
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Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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