talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
