at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
