If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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