how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you have to choose: penises or morals?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
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My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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