im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
