STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
