You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
