just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
