You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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