that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
