After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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