And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
