if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
