I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
did i walk over a car last night?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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