What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
