Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
