I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
