Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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