Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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