So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
