I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize