I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
