I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
