areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
my poor anus
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
