you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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