Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
