When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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