First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize