i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Holy shit dude........stairs
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
