I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
