My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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