Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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