i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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