I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
