I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
