it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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