i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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