Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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