it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
