Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
