I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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