Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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