You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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