I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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