we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
There are leaves in my underwear?
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