How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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