I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
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