Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
