Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
