i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
