I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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