I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
