i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
