Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
