one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
