Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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