i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
