I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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