i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
