Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
