Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
