Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Come see our sink grown plant.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
