i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
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We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
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You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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