so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
