The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
