Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
