we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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