I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
